and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
