He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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