Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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