I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
