i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
