When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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