wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
