if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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