it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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