matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
