Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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