I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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