I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
