i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
