I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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