i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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