Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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