I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
