Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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