I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
