The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So much Jack, so little girl.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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