please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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