Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
