dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Who did Billy Mays play for?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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