Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
