he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I understand Curling. That high.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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