it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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