thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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