Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Are my feet made of real feet?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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