The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
