Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Randomize
