I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
