She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
