Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And then my night got REAL pukey
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
