It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
