I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
