Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
