drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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