i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
