Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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