I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
