that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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