ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
