I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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