I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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