Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
