good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
