I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
