The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
