Sry I called you an 8
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
