i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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