omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
