I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
